Sometimes God broadsides us without any warning whatsoever. Last
night was one of those times. God came and met with me on the floor of
the chapel here on campus. I mean, He's always there but if He's ever
come and MET you then you know what I mean. And it was completely out of the blue.
Most of the issues He and I dealt with last night were old, things
I assumed were in my past and done with and handled. I was wrong...
He showed me that even though it hurt this stuff had to be dealt with
because it was blocking me, stopping my growth in some areas. Areas
vital for a missionary, like loving people and allowing people to get
close to me and allowing people to see weakness in me. And no, it's
not done. It's going to take a long time to work through some of this
stuff. But, here's the wonderful part, I realized last night that I
DON'T have to deal with this alone. There are people here who care for
me, even though I don't know them. And I know this because God sent
one to me last night. She told me that God told her I needed her,
needed to talk to her. And I did, more than even I knew.
I can already tell this is going to be a long, and sometimes
painful, year. I'm already emotionally and physically exhausted. But
I have a lightness, a freedom, deep inside I can't remember feeling
before. I had come to think that the pain certain memories carried was
normal, and unavoidable. Last night I realized the reason they still
hurt so bad was because they never healed, even though it's been
years. I had just dealt with it, handled it. I never let them
heal, mainly because I didn't know how. But it's ok now because God
told me something last night that has changed everything. And if this
is only the first week...
And for those of you have no idea where I am - I arrived here at Bethany College of Missions (
www.bcom.org) Monday
morning. It's a little, very little, school in Bloomington, Minnesota
that's whole purpose is to reach the entire world with the message of
Christ. There is a history of sacrifice and dedication here, these
people mean business and have since the beginning. And I want to share
some of that, but not today. But I will say there is a feeling of
peace on campus, a feeling that I suppose land gets after a certain
length of time being entirely dedicated to God. It's especially
noticeable in the chapel. That's a room that has had a million
heartfelt prayers poured out in it, many on the behalf of others, and
you can feel that in your spirit when you walk in.
Comments (1)
I kept meaning to come comment on your post-
Sounds like God is really working in your life....that's awesome! It's usually past circumstances and things that shape us into who we are and how we view things--sometimes we have wrong beliefs because of painful things in our past. I know that I've been working on dealing with a lot of past issues and it's helping me deal with current problems.....